Recently James and I were on a Murder Mystery on the Indian Pacific train from Perth to Sydney across the Nullarbor. It was a once in a lifetime experience, one we will never forget. On the first evening, the clue “silence is golden,” was given and it got me thinking. The saying’s an old one, dating back to medieval Persia….
"Speech is silver, but silence is golden."
This proverb has since been referenced in various forms of literature and other cultural contexts over the centuries. It basically promotes the power of saying less and within context, that idea has merit.
But in my line of work, I see the sad consequences of silence – the assumptions, misunderstandings and distance it can create. I recall one couple I knew who were so busy they rarely connected. While physically present, both were on their phones, attending but not listening to each other. Over time the distance between them grew, where each felt they were the other’s last priority. They set a date to talk about the relationship and the husband was 45 minutes late. He arrived to his wife’s announcement of their divorce. “That was the last straw,” she said later.
As many of you know, I have a business called Postscript Letters which helps you find the words you’re looking for. Over the past year I have written life letters, love letters, memorials, mirror letters (documenting a moment in time worthy of preservation) and more recently even eulogies. And the one common theme is that expression (with pure intent) is worth the risk.
I am tracking the results of my Postscripters and time and time again I see relationships healed and blossoming as a result of the courage to communicate gently. Done respectfully, heartfelt words become a gateway to greater depth and intimacy.
In a world where sound bites and attention spans are shrinking faster than wool jumpers in boiling water, we have to take the time to connect, find the language we seek and invest it in the people we care about.
Recently one of my Postscripters summed it up beautifully when she wrote:
"I felt I needed to write an important letter that had me procrastinating because I feared putting into words heartfelt feelings that may not land as intended... The (Postscript) letter encapsulated my thoughts, my words and my intention perfectly. The process was cathartic and has given me a new perspective."
Today, if you’re weighing up the decision to say something or not – ask yourself these three questions:
1. Is the information true?
2. Are your intentions in sharing it pure?
3. Can you trust yourself to deliver the message with gentle respect so it might be heard?
If you answered yes to each of the above, then do it! and let me know how you go.
(If you’re stuck on the last one, reach out in case I can help).
